Physically there are obvious differences and to ignore them or pretend they don’t exist is perverse. We’ll put those to one side for now and just concentrate on the heart and mind.
Imagine if we could settle the argument once and for all?
Men and women are emotionally and mentally exactly equal.
How would we explain the different mindsets we experience?
Maybe it’s all about perception?
We perceive there to be a difference so while as adults in our work lives we expect absolute gender equality. In our home lives boys are brought up to behave one way and girls are brought up to behave another. In our intimate adult relationships males stereotypically use ambivalence to commitment and children as a bargaining tool, while women use their feminine whiles and sex to bargain with.
But not all of us behave like that, only those of us who were brought up to behave like gender stereotypes. So if your partner has been taught these power rules and you haven’t you will either work out a way to get equality or you will end up depressed as you try to please the one with the power to make you happy by giving you what you want – commitment/children/sex.
While you are in the relationship your brain is fogged as you try to please to the detriment of your true self and blame your partners sexist behaviour on yourself. Emotional abuse causes depression which causes more emotional abuse as the one with the power loses respect and interest in the depressed personality of their once witty, intelligent, reasonable partner.
Love isn’t just a feeling like anger, jealousy, pride. Love is a feeling like hunger or thirst, if it goes unmet we cannot concentrate or behave rationally.
The only way forward is to have a break and get counselling so the abusive partner realises their behaviour is wrong and the abused regains their joie de vivre and learns not to allow themselves to be bullied.
The only way forward is to accept love is unconditional and all humans are worthy of love and using love or denial of love (seen by women as commitment and men as sex) as a power tool is emotionally abusive and wrong.
The only way to live happily and well in life is to accept absolute equality in all relationships. That way nobody can bully you and you will never be bullied. You must not harden your heart to protect yourself, burying your feelings and living without emotion. Instead allow your heart to become fully mature and open as you accept bad behaviour exists, you have felt pain, but you don’t deserve it so can let it go and forgive.
The only way to be equal is to behave like a good human. Banish ideas that bad human behaviours are due to gender or due to you deserving the bad behaviour or justified because that’s how you were brought up.
Bad behaviours spring from a selfish heart – arrogance, pride, anger. (being selfish is a protective instinct to save our hearts from pain, but locking away your heart stops you understanding and forgiving whoever caused you pain)
Good behaviours spring from a selfless (empathetic) heart – humility, patience, forgiveness. (being fully empathetic makes you immune to bullying or denial of love as you reflect the behaviour and wonder what is causing it rather than taking it personally – necessary for every parent)
It is usual for our brain chemistry to be at a level somewhere in between perfect selfishness and perfect selflessness, the aim of life is to remove all selfish desires and use empathy to protect yourself and understand others.
Men and women are equally able to behave badly and equally able to behave well.
It all comes down to choice. (and chemistry, but we can control our own chemistry if we have faith in ourselves and absolute trust that everything will work out in the end)
I believe I can prove scientifically that men and women are mentally and emotionally equal. Results due 31st March.