Proof of a soul

I haven’t really wanted to go on about what inspired me to write this blog as if I mention mental health a lot of people automatically switch off, but I’ve just had a potentially good meeting.

If I had been listened to when I was initially admitted to a mental hospital in December 2012 it could have saved 4 months of my life being locked away from my eldest 2 daughters.

I won’t go into detail, but sexual discrimination is rife in the UK, I didn’t realise the extent until I wasn’t believed because I am female. Really. Now time has passed and I can prove myself again I actually think I have a fighting chance of getting my complaint upheld. If I can prove I wasn’t mentally ill, I was just being myself and responding to being treated as mentally ill and not believed for telling the truth which sent me into a deep physical depression, then it could prove the existence of the human soul.

Lack of empathy for me as a human being caused me to lose all empathy for myself and my whole body stiffened and every passing moment was painful and devoid of emotion. I was dying from the inside out, a slow involuntary suicide that I had no control over. I didn’t know you could die from depression apart from willfully committing suicide. You can. It used to be called melancholia and was recognised as a natural human response to a broken heart. I now fully understand why people would commit suicide willfully, anything to stop the agony of being alive with no empathy. It lasted 5 weeks until ECT switched my empathy back on and I could be myself again.

We are all prisoners in our own minds and lack of empathy for ourselves and others switches out the light of our humanity, our soul.

Living with the truth while others continue to believe a delusion of me that I just can’t be has stretched me to my limits and shown me what I am capable of. I’m secretly glad of the dreadful ordeal I went through as it has taught me everything I have ever believed is true.

Humans are inherently kind and good, but being brought up with discrimination leads to unkind, bad behaviours that go against nature. All discrimination is wrong. All humans are equal, no matter their race, gender, age or faith. I know these words are easy to say, but they are terrifically hard to live by if you have ever been made to feel inferior or superior to others by virtue of your birth into the “wrong” or “right” family with the “wrong” or “right” gender, or just for being a child or an OAP.

There is light at the end of the tunnel to all who have ever suffered discrimination, you just have to forgive and believe…

In humanity, God, Buddha, Allah, unconditional love, kindness, yourself, your soul, the world, Mother Nature, children, art, culture, stories, whatever you feel you can pin your dreams to and not be let down.


Jonah and Pinocchio

We went to messy church today and the story was Jonah and the Whale. If you don’t know it, basically God told Jonah (or Jonah just dreamed it from his own mind, if that makes it easier to swallow(?!)) to go and spread the word to the Naverenes as they were living badly and said if they didn’t reform in 40 days he’d do something dreadful. Jonah didn’t like the Naverenes so went off somewhere else instead on a boat. God sent a storm, so Jonah asked to be thrown overboard and got swallowed whole by a whale. After 3 days in the whale he got spat out and he went to speak to the Naverenes who mended their ways.

I don’t know if there is any literal truth to the story- has anyone ever survived inside a whale? But the message is simple and relevant:

Jonah is wrong to pass judgement and discriminate against the Naverenes.

God (or good humans if the word God offends) will always forgive wrongdoing once responsibility is taken and people make a change – Jonah and the Naverenes.

I personally don’t like the fact that the original message carries a threat, I think that is wrong as people should be enabled to choose the right path without being forced to as then they will live in fear and may only do the right thing as they are fearful, rather than because they truly believe it is the right thing. I guess Jonah could just tell them the real consequences of their wrongdoing? e.g. being selfish and greedy won’t make you happy, if everyone behaves like this you won’t be able to trust your fellow man so you’ll live in doubt and fear. If everyone behaves selflessly and acts with love for their fellow man, you can trust others and live life in joy and peace. 

So what about Pinocchio? It’s almost the same as Jonah, but more detailed. We accept the story as we know it is made up and respect the author’s intent. It is a simple story of redemption and Pinocchio straying from the path of learning – please note, learning isn’t simply accruing facts, it is also about achieving understanding and empathy for the whole of humanity and our environment. Eventually after a trip to the hellish funfair of delights where he ends up looking an ass he has to sacrifice himself into the sea to learn the truth of the consequences of his actions. Then he becomes a real boy and no longer a puppet.

I wonder if our current capitalist society isn’t making asses of us all as we respond puppetlike to the demands of state, advertising and a selfish (teenage, emotionally immature) society to earn more, want more and sacrifice our children to the same future?

Maybe if we sacrificed our know all attitude that makes us so easy to manipulate (like puppets) and accepted the “real boy/girl” deep in our hearts, we could get off the capitalist wheel of doom and wake up to the truth and beauty of the world around us? Will we encourage our children to follow their own path of learning through life, doing what they enjoy most? Or will we decide for them the path they should take that will lead to a good job at the end? What is more important? Living life in enjoyment with an ever open and inquiring mind? Or getting through life without rocking the boat or standing out as different to end up with status and power/money/knowledge over others?


Knowledge without understanding and empathy is useless. Learning isn’t about knowing facts, it is about understanding how to apply those facts for the common good.


It’s strange that on the one hand we want our children to be treated as unique individuals, but we also want them to fit in and behave like all the other children so they aren’t bullied for being different. Doesn’t that make them more susceptible to bullying as we teach them to behave as puppets with parents/teachers/authority/peer pressure/selfish society holding the strings? 

I prefer to teach my children that they are different to other children and point out the disadvantages we live with compared to other children in their peer group. However, in truth we are so lucky to have all that we have and we ought to look out for those less fortunate than ourselves. It is wrong to discriminate against people for things they cannot change, but it is perfectly OK to discriminate among children in your class who behave badly towards you. Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, even if others think you are wrong, but at the same time be prepared to listen to those who hold different views and allow your understanding to deepen as you accept new ideas.



Belief Vs Science

Believing a God of fairness and reason exists gives humans a reason to be fair and equitable in their affairs.

Scientifically we know there is no such God, but do we have to stop believing just because we know there isn’t a being overseeing our decisions?

I thank our ancestors for their belief which kept them modest in their desires to save resources for their children (us).

How will our descendants judge our current society? Are we using finite resources sparingly for their benefit?

God teaches us to want less and be more. This puts the good of humanity before the selfish whims of the individual.

Science and state currently teach us we can have what we want and never mind the consequences. The more we consume the better for the economy and therefore all of us, but in a capitalist society this just leads to the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. Parents invest in their children and stockpile wealth to give them an advantage over their peers, but then that leads to a generation of idleness, or children doubting their own abilities as they have never earned for themselves. The poor are unhappy, but so are the rich.

If ever there was a time for the church to step in and sort out what really matters, it is now. Our society is seriously selfish and warped and our education system has lost the plot. Unfortunately our church leaders don’t truly understand God. They are too busy insisting he is real to accept it is the concept of a fair minded forgiving judge that is most important.

It is only with absolute empathy for all humans as exactly equal that any of us can pass judgement on the affairs of others. How do we know if our empathy is absolute or that we don’t hold some deep seated discrimination at the core of our being that stop our judgement from being perfect?

Do we believe truly that we are equal to all other humans?
Or were we brought up to believe we are superior to other humans outside our family? In conflict we assume we are right and others are wrong.
Or were we brought up to put the needs of others before our own to such an extent that we believe our needs to be inferior to those of others? In conflict we automatically look to ourselves to see what we have done wrong.

Do we believe men and women are equal? Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. If we don’t treat boys and girls as equal  we can hardly expect them to grow up believing themselves to be equal. Belief and perception are equally as important as reality when it comes to the human mind.

I only know that believing and faith allow our minds to be open to new experience and new learning from other humans. Closing our minds to an ideal of absolute Godlike empathy leads to us closing our minds to people who behave differently to our experience.


The wrong questions

I believe all people are created equally, this means I believe I am equal to the worst criminal sitting in a prison as well as Jesus, Plato, Aristotle, Budhha, The Queen, some random Mother born millennia ago who first told the story of Adam and Eve. We’ve just had different life experiences that’s all and the only reason I’m not a criminal in prison is because I have faith in myself and in others so have managed to lead an honest life. Until this year I also believed the authorities stood for the same things as me so I would be protected from the bad behaviour of others, but now I realise that isn’t so. It appears to me that the current authorities in England believe all people are inherently bad and to blame and deserving for any bad things that happen to them. I disagree. Vehemently!

Anyway, questions…

For centuries people have been asking how we were created and where is God and atheists have been poo pooing a whole religion as they don’t believe in a God on high. But just because God isn’t in outer space and we know about Darwin’s theory of evolution it doesn’t mean the Bible stories aren’t true.

Stop thinking literally and think metaphorically.

Stop trying to pick holes and show how clever you are and just accept there was a reason for the story to be included in the Bible and try to work out the lesson it is trying to teach. I haven’t read the whole Bible. I might do one day, but if you are a pedant I am sure you can find a story that is rubbish, contradictory to the main message of love and use that to dismiss the whole book. Don’t be such a teenager. Think a bit harder about why society at that time wanted to include that story. Extract the goodness from it, if there is no goodness in the story, dismiss that story, not the whole book.

What is Adam and Eve about? If you think back to when the story was created you can get a better understanding of why it endured.

Society was much simpler then. People would have lived in family groups with everyone knowing everyone. They would have taught their children about God as being the person the adults answer to in order to keep society equal and manage resources fairly. Then when the youngsters reach puberty and get a dose of hormones/energy, they would have been able to see that it is the grown ups who are actually in charge of resources and making things fair and that leads to them being tempted to go against the rules. After all, the only person they are answerable to is themselves. They would then have used their extra dose of hormones/energy to start building their own family, or wanting to explore and gain new knowledge of how things truly work. After having a few children the Mother would begin to learn from the children and understand why the rules they adhered to as a child were necessary and why belief in a God who was fair helps the children to believe in themselves. They would then be able to relax and let go a little as they teach their children to take responsibility for themselves so they can go back to feeling carefree again and regain their innocence.

So Adam and Eve were like innocent children having responsibility free and innocent fun, protected by God (parents). Eating from the tree of knowledge is what happens when they reach puberty and work out it is the adults who are actually responsible for creation (of children) and being fair and good. This sends them out of the Garden of Eden as responsibility makes things tougher – they are forced to grow up and cut the apron strings, realising the buck stops with them. There is nobody to blame if things go wrong but themselves.

Then Cain and Abel. What’s that all about? Sibling rivalry of course and the fact that parents aren’t perfect and they have their own likes and dislikes and you should aim to use your unique talents to please yourself, not your parents. God just happens to prefer sheep to the arable offerings of Cain (have I got that the right way round? I ought to check with a bible, but I’ll let you do that, or you can just go with the general gist), but Cain cares so deeply that his offering isn’t preferred that he kills his brother. Cain is then given the choice to conquer over sin. He has committed a terrible crime through jealousy, yet instead of being struck down he is still given the option to learn how to change his behaviour.

We haven’t changed biologically since Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel. Think about how cosseted and carefree you were as a child (assuming you had a happy childhood – I hope you did), now modern society is in teenage. We are stuck in the doing phase, striving for more knowledge, building our families, our homes, trying to work more hours to afford more stuff. We are still looking for ultimate approval, a validation for our lives so that we can reach a point where we can relax and just enjoy “being” again, like a child. But it is only when we stop “doing” and look around to see the only people we are accountable to is our children that we can relax.

Children don’t care what their parents do for a living, they don’t care if they are rich or poor providing they are safe and looked after. Our children accept us as we are. As people. As the human animal we have been trying not to be as we substitute status, money, knowledge, drugs, alcohol for the feeling we miss from childhood. The feeling is still there within us. We just have to slow down and allow ourselves to just “be”. Let go of all our hang ups and insecurities, our children can’t see them. Our children judge us by our actions towards them and others, the way we make them feel, not by what we say or how much stuff we give them. Acknowledge you have insecurities and hang ups and work out how to resolve them so you don’t pass them on. Take full responsibility for your life then begin to let go and relax and teach your children how to be responsible too – use my 2 rules, they are all you need.

So basically what I’m saying is, stop wondering about God. Accept that a Mother created God to help children learn how to take responsibility for themselves and live a fair and joyful life. God is relevant to us today as we still suffer the same failings as humans millennia ago – wanting to know too much, not enjoying responsibility, but also not enjoying being told what to do by mere mortals, jealousy, seeking approval.

We are no better emotionally, mentally or physically than the first people who walked the earth, we just think we are because our society is so complicated we’ve distanced ourselves from our humanity.

So stop questioning where, what, how God and begin to understand why.



I work as a storyteller, but spend most of my time as a Mother answering questions children have asked since the beginning of time. Mainly just one question actually. Why?

I’ve never stopped asking why, but I don’t think any of us really like definitive answers, they sort of ruin the possibilities, or our faith in what we were told when we were children. I was very lucky as a child to have been given common sense answers in a matter of fact manner about the really important questions, but was also taught about fairies and the supernatural and allowed to answer questions with my own imagination – I was told about nature, how systems worked, taxes etc, but most usefully about death (school eventually taught me the other things, but school doesn’t teach how to relate to other people and how to deal with death). My Mother has been preparing me for her death from an early age, but has also shown how to live in a structured, ordered fashion with enjoyment, honesty, integrity and nourishment of human relationships. It means when she does die I know she will be OK about it and that makes me feel OK about it, I’ll feel sad, but I will always have her in my heart, just as I have memories of her Mother in my heart even though she died before I was born. They will live eternally as I tell as much as I can remember to my children and them to theirs – heavenly!

We’ve stopped telling stories to our children from our memories, our faith and imaginations, we live in a literal age when reading stories to children is as much about teaching to read as it is about teaching through stories. We seem to want to give our children all the definitive facts that science has worked out for us and leave little to the imagination. The Bible used to be the book of stories that we retold and explained the wonders of nature and how society works, but now we know God isn’t up in the clouds and a lot of the stories in the Bible contradict the main message of christianity or break my 2 life rules, we dismiss the whole religion and mock anyone who has faith.

But that is just silly! It’s called chucking the baby out with the bathwater.

I was brought up as a christian and managed to listen to stories in church and sunday school relating them to myself and learning from the experiences of the characters in the stories. The faith that is taught in churches that I have been to is much more about being united as humans to be good and kind and less about finding some obscure passage in the Bible that is discriminatory or judgmental. Just because the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Pope blaspheme and make judgements it is not their place to make, doesn’t mean you should dismiss a whole religion that people have followed for centuries.

I’m not a complete naivete, I worked out when I was about 15 why God was invented. I remember thinking about war and what was going on in the world, Aids and the hole in the ozone. I thought if only there was one person in charge of the whole world who was fair and good so that inequalities between countries were made smaller and all the world did their best to be environmentally friendly and have knowledge of how to prevent the spread of disease. Ah,  that’s why they invented God!

Now I have a better understanding of the human soul through an experience when my soul died and I became a husk of a person, there in body, but not in spirit, I understand even better why God was invented and then reinvented by Jesus.

Humans have 3 parts, their physical self, emotional/spiritual self and the mental self. Belief in God helps us to develop as our true selves with a guilt free emotional/spiritual self which allows us to access the pure logic of a well ordered mental self.

I’ll explain better in a further post, but my point in this post is that we don’t need to know where God is, how he created the world, how he allows disasters to happen etc. We just need to think about why humans since the beginning of time in all cultures have created God.


So why is God a necessity?


What do we believe?

It seems to me that current society believes modern society is rational and reasonable as we only believe in what we can prove scientifically. We are better and cleverer than generations that have gone before.

We do what we like when we like and believe it is our right as individuals to do what pleases us and turn a blind eye to negative consequences if we believe society won’t judge us for our decision.

Does this make us happy?

Is it morally right?

We believe morals make people judgemental and we believe it is wrong to judge people as that is discrimination.

But are we missing something?

It is wrong to judge a human for their personality, their soul, their physical characteristics that make them unique and cannot be changed, but what about their behaviour? You cannot change your physical self, but you can change your behaviour.

I believe as a Mother that it is my duty to bring up children who behave well according to 2 simple rules. If my children stick to these rules they can be absolutely true to themselves whoever they might become.

My rules come from economic theory. They are rational and reasonable, but science would discount them as they rely on faith in the human spirit, something you cannot yet prove to exist scientifically.

Rule 1. The Pareto Criterion – You cannot make one person better off if it makes another person worse off unless you can compensate them. We are all of equal worth – all races, religions, ethnicities, sexes.

Rule 2. The Prisoner’s Dilemma (We are all prisoners in our own minds, in the prisoners dilemma the rational choice leads to the worst outcome, if everyone had faith and trust we would reach the best outcome) – Believe in yourself as a good kind human and have faith that others are good and kind too. If you behave well to others, people will behave well towards you. If someone is unkind to you, first look to yourself and see if your behaviour needs to change, but if you have done nothing to deserve unkindness, forgive the wrong and move forward without losing faith.

These rules are what I was brought up with. Not explicitly, through music, stories, culture, education, training, experience. I have managed to refine my whole being down to these 2 rules due to an experience when I was forced to question everything I know and believe to be true. 

I believe my rules have allowed me to live a good and happy life where I have pleased myself and followed my hearts desire, but without allowing society to corrupt me into denying any negative consequences. I feel resolved that my actions have not caused the pain or suffering of another and I do my best to live ethically and within my means. I carry no burden of guilt, just like a child. It is only through my recent experience that I have regained my innocence. It gives me inner peace and contentment and allows me to speak my mind and express my thoughts. So I won’t judge you as a person, but I will try to help you lead a better life by telling my story and teaching the lessons I have learnt.

We can all learn to be better people as judged by our children, children judge us by our actions, not by the justification we give to excuse bad behaviour.

What is bad behaviour?

Anything that breaks the rules – there are only 2 rules, how hard can it be?